Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
