I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
