my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
