Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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