You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
