Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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