btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
