Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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