You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Randomize
