hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
