I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
