Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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