it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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