Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
