did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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