Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Randomize
