This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
