i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Randomize
