I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think my vagina is haunted
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize