I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
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