you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
