I hate your face
I cannot find my penis.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
