New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize