trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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