Quick, to the slutcave!
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
