i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
