I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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