Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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