yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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