Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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