If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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