i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Randomize
