I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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