i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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