i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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