By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
