Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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