No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
