His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
