Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
