Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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