Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
