I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
