so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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