..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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