i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
