The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
