it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
