Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
