I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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