If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
