just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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