Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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