I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize