I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
