This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
