You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
