Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
