Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
