Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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