just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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