my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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