out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
