Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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