what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
