We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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