speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize