Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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