You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
