Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
