Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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